Lead Author: Gameli Agboada
Guest Author: Efo Kofi Gavor
Chief Editor: Stephen Baidu
Turning and turning in the rickety ‘wawa’ desk
The student cannot hear the teacher;
Things fall apart; the stomach cannot hold;
Even the stubborn goat has lost appetite for cassava peels
Mere hunger is loosed upon the boys.
- W.B. Amorkudzogbor Yeat (PhD)
In AD 1997, during the reign of the
great Emperor Augustus-Caesario Borky-Jarah, with Sankopee as tetrarch of the
Eastern province, Dzaboe as tetrarch of the Western corridor, Adzana as
tetrarch of the Northern hills and Spiderman as tetrarch of the Southern
plains, a horde of boys and girls, without fear of graves, dating back to AD
1901, matched heavily upon the gates of Cemetery L.A. J.S.S. in order to pursue
academic excellence.
The first thing that happened was
a heart-breaking reshuffling exercise; some stream ‘B’ boys came to stream ‘A’
whiles some stream ‘A’ boys moved to stream ‘C’ and so on. But I was honestly
shocked when I saw some ‘dadabie’ boys shedding tears over common reshuffling. Borky
got seriously irritated by their ‘dadability’, and nearly punctured their heads
with his coca-cola branded metallic key holder. As for my kpako-self, all I
knew was that, I have conquered the gates of the Cemetery L.A. and it doesn’t
really matter where the reshuffling exercise placed me.
”…for all moves in the cemetery work for the good of they that trust in
Borky’s instincts…”
Most Rev. Kugbakuake, Grave 419, South-East Zombie Estates.
It wasn’t too long before one of
those dadabie boys went to report some of us to his mum for teasing him at
school. Ooh Massa! I thought we had liberated ourselves long ago from this ‘maadorwe
na teacher’ syndrome oo.
Tso! Wetin man no see before? Even
before my very own eyes, an old straw mat, reeking of adult urine, was brought
to assembly grounds as key evidence for a bed-wetting allegation levelled
against an innocent young boy. After all was said and done, he survived the
ignominy and carried on with life.
After the reshuffling and
unnecessary shedding of tears, lessons began…………….
As a young boy, I never understood
why some teachers in Cemetery L.A. J.S.S. sometimes refuse to observe free
period and break time rules. I later learnt that they simply do this in order to
impress education officers who come on inspection visits, especially around
break times. It’s only in Ghana will an officer coming for inspection inform
his subjects (teachers) ahead of time, who also go on to inform students; so
everything is perfect on the day of inspection. We keep each other’s back in
Ghana, just in case you don’t know.
Oh Charley!! All these charades went
on at the peril of our young and fragile stomachs. ”Hmm….e hard ooo!”
I vividly remember the day that a teacher forcefully ceased a free
period on our timetable for his lesson. Thanks to Spiderman who saved the day
by entering the classroom about 5 minutes into the lesson. Eii!!…come and see
hidden Olympic talents on display; before I could say Jack, Caroline and
Rejoice already jumped over the dwarf wall. A
commentary from a Kumasi radio station would have gone like this; please
don’t mind my Twi. Just Listen……
‘’etiefuo,
cemetery FM nie… Oh … oh. … oh!!!
etiefuo,
eka kitikiti..anka baku tor form,
etiefuo,
aha ye de, aha ye butu butu
……
eeiii sukufuo ne tu mreka se?
Etiefuo,
Ghana wor ‘tarent’ paaaa….
….eiii,
eiii, etiefuo, daben na Hussein Bolt aba Ghana?
Dabi
dabi,…dabi dabi…
Etiefuo,
enye Hussein Bolt, eye teacher baku bi.…
Etiefuo………………
Mr. Koeke!!!………. Mr. Koeke!!!
I know some of you may be thinking
that I never liked the classroom. NO! Wrong perception! I am just not happy
about the way the system thwarted some of our efforts towards the development of
lifetime careers through our individual traits outside the classroom. Most of the teachers were only interested in
our classroom performances.
Who says it is only the white kid
who discovers his talent at an early age? Wait until I give you instances of
early discoveries that were made at the Cemetery L.A. Primary/J.S.S;
Ernest Gavor liked hunting agama
lizards with ‘aηeka’ (catapult); A POTENTIAL SNIPER IN THE U.S. ARMY
Willie developed a wild appetite
for ‘agorteku’, ‘alasa’ and ‘efio’ over the years; A POTENTIAL DIETITIAN
Kwasi Adu took delight in dissecting
live agama lizards with blunt tatra razor blades; A POTENTIAL SURGEON
Gameli was very much addicted to
‘ganugoeυu’ especially, ‘one konko’ (a toy car made from empty milk or Milo
tins); A POTENTIAL COUNTRY REPRESENTATIVE OF TOYOTA.
Kpoh courageously wrote a love
letter (in red ink) to one of the girls; A POTENTIAL ROMANTIC POET
Akplor was fond of chasing rats; A
POTENTIAL 100m OLYMPIC SPRINTER
Eloh Wisdom liked catching ‘gbagblami’,
‘tatata’ and ‘tititi’ (various species of grasshopper); A POTENTIAL BIOLOGIST
Divine (Tayita) was too fond of
socks-balls; A POTENTIAL MANAGING DIRECTOR OF ADIDAS
Eli loved luring ‘Kukurukuu’ (an
insect that bores hole in dry sand) out of its hole; A POTENTIAL SHREWD BUSINESS
MAGNATE OR MARKETING MANAGER…………….“Kukurukuuuu! Dada be na va xor morli!”
Gbeti loved playing with
‘torkortorkormi’ (Praying mantis); A POTENTIAL PUGILIST
Hanson could not do without ‘countess’
ball; A POTENTIAL COACH OF A NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM
Beethoven liked playing ‘alàsáku’
(a game whose ultimate objective is to be on your knees and be the first person
to kick alàsá seed with your index finger into a hole); A POTENTIAL TOP GOLFER
Raphael was very conscious of his
outlook: A POTENTIAL GROOMING SPECIALIST
Delight was good at keeping names
of talkative boys: A POTENTIAL DATABASE ADMINISTRATOR
Shabo (pure yeda) started working
lotto at the age of 12 and half; A POTENTIAL ACTUARIAL SCIENTIST
Frank Asare loved brick game: A
POTENTIAL CIVIL ENGINEER
Tofah loved roaming in both town
and bush: A POTENTIAL TOURISM CONSULTANT
Pytha was the girls’ guy –
caring, romantic, understanding; A POTENTIAL MEXICAN SOAP STAR
Edem loved playing “bebelibe”/Daddy
kple Mama; A POTENTIAL MARRIAGE COUNCILLOR....”bebelibee lo! Ne ekpor gborvi ade
na lee”
Theresa Fafa was the queen of ‘chaskeley’;
A POTENTIAL FEMALE CRICKET OR BASEBALL STAR
Karin liked ‘assway’; A POTENTIAL
BALLET DANCER
Franklin, Papa Siga, Zygote and
Sialo developed appetite for ‘solom’ and ‘pami’ at a tender age; POTENTIAL JOINT-OWNERS
OF GUINESS GHANA LTD.
The list could go on and on.
Do not underestimate the extra
curricula activities that went on in the cemetery.
Have a lovely day!
October, 2010
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