OH FOOD, THOU ART A TOOL

“Man makes food, Food makes man; a beautiful cyclic phenomenon.”
~ Gameli Agboada

Oh food, thou art a Saviour

When hunger torments thine soul and thy vision darkens, and there is nowhere to turn to, call upon the name of Food and ye shall be saved. It shall renew thy strength and ye shall run and not be weary. Ye shall mount up with wings as eagle and do marvelous exploits.

Oh food, thou art, indeed, a saviour!

Oh food, thou art a Healer

"Let food be thy medicine, and medicine be thy food."

~ Hippocrates

 

Who says food doesn’t heal!?  I know a man who treats severe headaches with 3 balls of banku (Doctor's prescription: Rx  tab Banku 3x1….…..Signed, Dr. Akplenyivu), gonorrhea with palm wine, fever with ‘solom’ or ‘pito’, stomach ulcer with kenkey and hot pepper. This revelation is not to downplay the potency of orthodox medicine…..but how can you take medicine on an empty stomach?  “You craze before?!”

“Oh my soul, do you not know, have you not heard; it’s been told from the beginning that, even before the birth of Paracetamol and Chloroquine, Pepper-soup was around.”

There once was a community shield football match between Ashaiman Liverpool FC and Lashibi Barcelona FC. During the 80^th minute of the game, one of the Ashaiman defenders made a very dangerous tackle on a Lashibi striker; it was a death-threatening tackle. The agony that followed seemed unbearable as the injured striker rolled and turned uncontrollably on the ground. However, to the astonishment of spectators and match officials, the striker returned to the game quicker than expected and started running around more rejuvenated. No sooner was the final whistle blown than the dumfounded match officials launched a thorough investigation into the matter.  Guess what they found in Lashibi Barcelona’s First Aid Box…….Bandage, Gauze, Gentian Violet, Plaster, Chinese rub, Neat Fufu powder, one food-flask full of light soup, one gallon of mashed Kenkey, 2 jars of corn dough porridge (amorkudzogbor) and 3 tins of Ideal evaporated milk.

Now, let’s talk about Acupuncture. Acupuncture was discovered long ago in Africa before the Chinese thought of it. Do you know that the palm wine tapping process in some parts of ancient Nigeria is Acupuncture per se? By the time their untamed appetites drive them to the top of those tall palm trees bare-chested and bare-footed, their bellies and the soles of their feet would have received enough healing-pricks for the day.

“Glory be to ‘palmi’ in the highest, and peace to its drinkers on earth”

Oh food, thou art a Key

Food opens doors; simple!

Let me tell you how…………..

Except for international or ‘dadabi’ basic schools where football is provided by the P.E teacher, it is an undeniable fact that the only way to get “sele” in order to kick some football during break hours is to share your ‘Poki’ ice cream and ‘Atsormor’ with the ball-owner (usually a half-baked dadabi boy who severely lacks football acumen but owns a football). Anything short of that, the ball-owner is very likely to tell you, “My friend! You are not my friend!”

“Agree with the ball-owner quickly whilst ye resideth in the eatery; lest at football time, the ball-owner relegates thee to the stands where there shall be unending gnashing of teeth.”

Verily I say unto you, If not for the advent of the computerized system of placement, smelly-billy-goats (Atokui) and tubers of yam (especially ‘puna’) would still have been the master key that opens SHS admission doors to dumb-but-not-needy applicants. No wonder some corrupt headmasters and bursars became award-winning livestock farmers but drastically lost their pot-bellies shortly after the old admission system was scrapped.

Oh Food, thou art a Companion and a Nation Builder

Nowadays, Instant-noodles and other fast foods are considered as companions to most bachelors in Ghana. However, let me hasten to say that, “where honour is due, let honour be given”. Once upon a ‘Gari’, there lived ‘soakings’, ‘eba’, ‘pino’, ‘gari fortor’ and friends………

In summary, the enormous contribution of ‘Gari’ to the Ghanaian economy cannot be over-emphasized.

“They say Gari no get TV advert, but e get customers pass Indomie sef.”

~ Anonymous

Oh food, thou art a Gavel

A story was told of two hunger-stricken villagers who travelled to the city to have their land dispute settled by the gavel. The animosity between them was so intense that, they even went on different buses. After a very long and heated proceeding, the case was adjourned. One of the court clerks, detecting hunger on the faces of both plaintiff and defendant, took them to the court’s canteen where they were served with Fried Rice and Chicken. By the time the last bone was broken and the last grain of rice ferociously attacked, both men, forgetting that they had a dispute, shook hands over the empty plates and showered praises untold upon the cook; the case immediately died a natural death.

“Case Closed!!”

For your information, domestic violence and work place conflicts are simple cases for His Lordship Abinchi-Food CJ.

Oh Food, a gavel thou art!

Oh food, thou art a Compass

It is an open secret that most people in Ghana do not have a good handle on Distance and Direction. For instance, it is a waste of breadth to say something like this to the average man on the street who seeks direction to a place;

“From here, Go South, walk about 300m and turn Left at a T-Junction, then walk 120m and make a Right, Go straight down and stop by the third apartment on your left.”

I consider the sentence above a complete waste of breadth because it did not mention the name of any food joint or chop bar. As per the rules of the game, no matter how confusing the direction is, the mere mention of food will automatically clarify issues.

This is Kofi directing Kweku to the post office. Pointing his finger haphazardly in different directions, Kofi goes like this;

“ah! you don’t know the post office? go like this and go like this then go straight….you will see a waakye seller under a big mango tree, don’t mind her….just go your go…if you go small, you will see a place where they sell kenkey near some lotto kiosk, just ask, they will show you the post office.”

One thing is for sure, Kweku will get to the post office; many thanks to ‘waakye’ and ‘kenkey’.

Oh food, thou art a Day of the Week

In my motherland, it is not uncommon to hear phrases like “Today is Fufu” or “This Sunday is Omutuo”. A foreigner, upon hearing this, may think the name of the day is Fufu or Omutuo.

Do not be surprised if you overhear someone trying to recollect a day by using the food he ate on that day. Eg. “Ah! you paa, don’t you remember when we met him? It was on the day we ate that ‘wild’ Banku.” Then his friend will exclaim: “Oh yes yes, I remember now, he even bought one calabash of ‘pito’ for me.”

One thing remains clear; the day is remembered!

“…….and if you see Chief Banku, would you shake his hand for me. And tell ol’ Chief I’ve seen all his good works…….”

Oh food, thou art a Gymnasium

The process of preparing a meal like fufu offers a natural body building opportunity. It is often said that before gyms came to town, fufu was producing macho men for free.

One cannot exhaust this particular topic without talking about the preparation process of Kokonte (alias Cassava Ghost). In order to prepare Kokonte, you must have enough courage to assassinate Hon. Cassava, steal his suit, dismember him, dry his naked body pieces in the open sun, crash his head in the mortar, send his crashed-remains to the mill and finally boil his ashes until it becomes gummy. Massa!! This labour-intensive activity cannot be underestimated. By the time kokonte is served, you would have developed six packs.

Oh food, thou art a Pump

“Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet.”

~ William Gilmour

“I’m on a sea-food diet. Whenever I see food, I eat it.”

~ Derek Davis

The above quotes, if not understood in its proper context, can mislead you to overeat to the detriment of your health. Beware! Food can make elephants out of humble mosquitoes. Food can make bellies sweep the ground.

I have lost contact with a friend of mine for a long time. When I met him recently, speech eluded me instantly. You know what I mean; he could barely carry himself. When speech finally returned to me, I exclaimed, “eeii! chaaarleey! You have grown too big ooo!” He responded breathlessly and said, “we thank God ooo, it is a sign of good living!”

Though the significance of food cannot be overemphasized, let us always remember to eat GOOD food in REASONABLE quantity and add a little EXERCISE to it in order to stay healthy.

“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must also have peanut butter.”

~ James Garfield

What more can I say?

Oh food, thou art a tool indeed!

Gameli K. Agboada

14^th July, 2013